I wish I only lived at night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
