I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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