i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
