Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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