After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
