isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
