I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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