12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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