Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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