a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize