Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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