i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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