What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
