just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
