considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize