hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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