We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
