He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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