Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize