I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
