It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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