you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
