don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
then he tried to convert me to islam
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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