Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
