Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
