Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
