The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have tasted many bathrooms
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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