i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
