You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
