After last night, I could never be a politician.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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