I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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