At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
