i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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