i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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