I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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