Cold hands, warm shart.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
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