I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
