Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I didn't notice because vodka
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
