In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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