So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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