At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
