nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
