first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
