pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
