Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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