Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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