you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
