If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
