You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
