Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
