i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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