I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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