did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize