So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
