I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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