We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize