I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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