i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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