if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
