Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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