Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
