oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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