They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
