I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
