I seem to have left my pride at pride
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize