Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
