a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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