Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
