please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
