she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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