we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
