The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
