Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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