i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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