Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize