you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
