Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
