If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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