Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
